Hearing today of the loss of another CMLer reminds me of one of my first CML friends - Fiona. I never had the chance to meet her but with this thankfully rare disease we make friends over the internet and through an online support group.
I met Fiona this way and we talked online for many hours, we shared an illness, we were of a similar age but I had already had my children. Fiona was newly married and her wish with the CML was to have the chance to start a family of her own.
It was the very early days of Glivec and as one of the first in the country I started taking the pills, and had a good initial response to this new wonder drug. I shared my experiences with Fiona, who was hoping and praying for the opportunity to be given Glivec as well.
Eventually, she was given the chance. She was so excited to be starting the drug and so hopeful for the future......
Only days later I found out that Fiona had died, the very drug that was controlling my leukaemia had given her a massive toxic shock. I never had the opportunity to meet her, I never had the opportunity to say goodbye to her, I did have the opportunity to speak via email to the husband who had lost his young wife but what can you possibly say that means anything in those circumstances?
For me, Fiona will never be forgotten, for me, every moment I share with my daughters, every opportunity I have to laugh and be happy is done in her memory.
One of the positives of this disease - and yes, there are some - is the CML community that I have the good fortune to be part of, a shared illness, shared experiences, shared moans, all of these things have brought me new friends.
Every loss of someone from that community brings us sadness - but on the flip side a renewed determination to get the most out of every moment we have.
This post, Fiona, is for you with love x
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