Being reckless with my life.......

The title - this one, I can't take credit for, I borrowed this one from a lovely lady who has also stared death in the face and survived - just! When she wrote this it resonated with me, so I'm hoping she won't mind that I'm now plagarising her words......

So what does it mean being reckless with my life? Why? How? Isn't that a stupid thing to do?
Well yes - it can be.....
Looking death in the face screws you up, very few of us have done it and still remain completely sane. And so many of us have done it in many different ways, I'm not alone with my brush with death.

It leaves a mark on us all, on a positive side I can appreciate the small things so much more, the people, the moments, the memories - I truly believe that the only thing we really have in this world are the memories, and our legacy is the memories we leave others with.

This has meant that when it comes to the girls, although I've not always been there for them there have been times when all I have wanted to do is create important memories for them. I spent the millenium with them, the solar eclipse on Hornsea seafront, amazing holidays in Egypt and Fuerteventura, Christmases, mad shopping trips to Toys R Us. All of these things were things I had to do with them, irrespective of everything else........even the cost!

But the leukaemia has also meant that I want to push the boundaries of my life, that being normal is not enough, that I want to push and see how far I can go without falling over the edge. I've been reckless with my feelings, I've been reckless with my relationships, I've been reckless with my everything.......

I'm hoping I haven't been too reckless with other people and their emotions, I suspect that has not always been so - sorry!

But the recklessness has also meant that you can sort the wheat from the chaf, the people who cope with it and are still here - are the best people in the world. The sensations, experiences, feelings I have had as a result are ones that I would not have missed.

So, as much pain as it sometimes brings me, I will continue to be reckless with my life.................I just hope that I'm not reckless with yours x