At the end of a topsy turvey week the need to blog is upon me again, and this time the subject line comes from a friend who took me back to my teenage years at the start of the week with a reminder of Nik Kershaw's song from the 80s - Wouldn't it be good.
For those of you who are far too young to remember Nik Kershaw and even the 80s let me pull out some of the poignant lines for me:
"It's getting harder just keeping life and soul together, I'm sick of fighting even though I know I should.......
Wouldn't it be good to be in your shoes even if it's just for one day
Wouldn't it be good if we could wish ourselves away
Wouldn't it be good if we could live without a care......."
So, as you can see, this is going to be a happy blog post!!
I guess for me it reminds me that life is a struggle at times, and I guess that even the younger ones of you reading this will already have worked that bit out or seen glimpses of it. That's one of the many joys, or not, of growing up.
In the 80s when I first heard this song it didn't resonate nearly much as it does now, I had no idea of the struggles to come, I had no idea of how hard it would be at times just to keep life and soul together and I certainly hadn't felt sick of fighting.......
Well now, at the ripe old age of 45 I can certainly say that I've experienced struggles a plenty. But here's the thing.......I've had moments of being sick of fighting, and moments when I've questioned what the hell this is all about - I don't imagine there are many of you out there who haven't at times felt the same way. But, despite the struggles, the fights, I'm still very, incredibly, bloody glad to still be here........whingeing, blogging, struggling on........
In the middle of this work-challenging week someone asked me if I was going to apply for my boss' job as Director and seemed genuinely shocked when I said no, absolutely not. And that has been my stance from day one of knowing that she would be leaving, absolutely not.......
Now, for someone who has sometimes been accussed of being a workaholic and far too focussed on work it may seem strange that I'm really not interested in persuing my career even further when the opportunity has arisen.
But, I'm not, and I guess that it's because I no longer feel the need to push myself, prove myself, act like someone who isn't dying of leukaemia.......
It's not that I've managed to find peace yet, or learnt to be truly happy with my life, though I do think I'm on the right track. But it is an acceptance that perhaps I've buried my head in my committment to my work enough, that perhaps it's time to stop avoiding the real issues in life by being a workaholic.
Perhaps I'm aiming for the line in Nik Kershaw's song: "Wouldn't it be good if we could live without a care....."
The person I was when I left school, when I got married at 20, is not the person that I am now. All I wanted then was to be married, have children, live in a house with roses around the door and, I guess, live without a care........ but life didn't deliver that surprisingly, and through that I have changed.
But, as a woman who after 15 years of divorce finally gave her wedding dress away this weekend, perhaps inside I haven't really changed or moved that far from the person I was then.
Perhaps, to find peace and be happy (or at least happier), I need to get back in touch with the person that I was. I surprised my oldest daughter this week when I told her that when I move I intend to make all my own curtains.......but that is the person that I used to be. It's those simple creative tasks that I love, that help me feel like me, that give me pleasure.
I want to create a home that has soul, I want to create a haven that my daughters can return to when life's struggles begin to touch them, I want a home where friends can drop in and just be....
I guess, what I really want, is a life less complicated..........and, naievly or not, I'm still hoping for some roses around the door........
For those of you who are far too young to remember Nik Kershaw and even the 80s let me pull out some of the poignant lines for me:
"It's getting harder just keeping life and soul together, I'm sick of fighting even though I know I should.......
Wouldn't it be good to be in your shoes even if it's just for one day
Wouldn't it be good if we could wish ourselves away
Wouldn't it be good if we could live without a care......."
So, as you can see, this is going to be a happy blog post!!
I guess for me it reminds me that life is a struggle at times, and I guess that even the younger ones of you reading this will already have worked that bit out or seen glimpses of it. That's one of the many joys, or not, of growing up.
In the 80s when I first heard this song it didn't resonate nearly much as it does now, I had no idea of the struggles to come, I had no idea of how hard it would be at times just to keep life and soul together and I certainly hadn't felt sick of fighting.......
Well now, at the ripe old age of 45 I can certainly say that I've experienced struggles a plenty. But here's the thing.......I've had moments of being sick of fighting, and moments when I've questioned what the hell this is all about - I don't imagine there are many of you out there who haven't at times felt the same way. But, despite the struggles, the fights, I'm still very, incredibly, bloody glad to still be here........whingeing, blogging, struggling on........
In the middle of this work-challenging week someone asked me if I was going to apply for my boss' job as Director and seemed genuinely shocked when I said no, absolutely not. And that has been my stance from day one of knowing that she would be leaving, absolutely not.......
Now, for someone who has sometimes been accussed of being a workaholic and far too focussed on work it may seem strange that I'm really not interested in persuing my career even further when the opportunity has arisen.
But, I'm not, and I guess that it's because I no longer feel the need to push myself, prove myself, act like someone who isn't dying of leukaemia.......
It's not that I've managed to find peace yet, or learnt to be truly happy with my life, though I do think I'm on the right track. But it is an acceptance that perhaps I've buried my head in my committment to my work enough, that perhaps it's time to stop avoiding the real issues in life by being a workaholic.
Perhaps I'm aiming for the line in Nik Kershaw's song: "Wouldn't it be good if we could live without a care....."
The person I was when I left school, when I got married at 20, is not the person that I am now. All I wanted then was to be married, have children, live in a house with roses around the door and, I guess, live without a care........ but life didn't deliver that surprisingly, and through that I have changed.
But, as a woman who after 15 years of divorce finally gave her wedding dress away this weekend, perhaps inside I haven't really changed or moved that far from the person I was then.
Perhaps, to find peace and be happy (or at least happier), I need to get back in touch with the person that I was. I surprised my oldest daughter this week when I told her that when I move I intend to make all my own curtains.......but that is the person that I used to be. It's those simple creative tasks that I love, that help me feel like me, that give me pleasure.
I want to create a home that has soul, I want to create a haven that my daughters can return to when life's struggles begin to touch them, I want a home where friends can drop in and just be....
I guess, what I really want, is a life less complicated..........and, naievly or not, I'm still hoping for some roses around the door........
